Hitting the keyboard harder has now been proven to make the
Internet work faster. In fact you may have got this error message
because you did not press firmly enough. This is also the case with
mouse buttons. New biofeedback functionality in the later versions
of Microsoft operating systems ensures that those who hit hardest get
the best response.
Please try the
following:
Refresh button really hard, or
try again later. If you typed the address in the Address bar, type
it again but press each key much harder.
If response is slow, repeatedly clicking on the same button
or link causes IP routers to give priority to your request.
Internet performance can be improved by issuing
the verbal command 'Come on, come on' to your monitor.
Sophisticated sound equipment in your PC will respond to many phrases,
including some mild profanity.
Rapid side-to-side movement of your mouse,
followed by four sharp raps on your desk is known to cause Windows to
re-prioritise your
Internet session and allocate more CPU cycles to hardware response
functions.
If you are trying to reach a secure site, make
sure you wiggle your network cable where it plugs into your PC.
If you have an LCD
monitor, don't forget to press the screen until it distorts the
image and leaves a grey 'flare' and a greasy fingerprint on the
display.
With a CRT screen, a winding motion with your
hand to the side of the monitor increases your PC's bus
speed
by 10%, as does knocking on the glass and calling out "Hello?''.
This is my old table tennis bat
and ball. A ping-pong bat is ideal for performing percussive
maintenance tasks on your computer.
Never use the load button to close your CD drive.
Pushing the draw in by hand overrides the rev limiter & increases
read performance by 25%. Also, the more 'drive not ready' messages
you get, the better, so keep on hitting 'retry'.
If you continue to have problems, contact
either your Network Administrator, your company's Help Desk, your PC's
manufacturer, or Microsoft
Technical Support. They will ask for
details of your configuration, the exact
sequence of events leading to the problem, and the status of your
software licenses. They will then consult their extensive
knowledgebase systems and fault-finding dialogues before telling you to
re-boot and try again.
Click the Back button firmly with a
slight anti-clockwise flourish to try another link.
Or you could replace your
unreliable network equipment with brand new Cisco products from a specialist Cisco
supplier.
Cannot
find server or DNS Error from not pressing
hard enough - Internet Explorer
|