The page cannot be displayed - please click harder

The page you are looking for is unavailable. The Web site might be experiencing difficulties, or you may not have pressed the keys or mouse buttons firmly enough.

Hitting the keyboard harder has now been proven to make the Internet work faster.  In fact you may have got this error message because you did not press firmly enough.  This is also the case with mouse buttons.  New biofeedback functionality in the later versions of Microsoft operating systems ensures that those who hit hardest get the best response.

Please try the following:

  • Click the Refresh button really hard, or try again later.  If you typed the address in the Address bar, type it again but press each key much harder. 

  • If response is slow, repeatedly clicking on the same button or link causes IP routers to give priority to your request.
  • Internet performance can be improved by issuing the verbal command 'Come on, come on' to your monitor.  Sophisticated sound equipment in your PC will respond to many phrases, including some mild profanity.
  • Rapid side-to-side movement of your mouse, followed by four sharp raps on your desk is known to cause Windows to re-prioritise your Internet session and allocate more CPU cycles to hardware response functions.
  • If you are trying to reach a secure site, make sure you wiggle your network cable where it plugs into your PC.
  • If you have an LCD monitor, don't forget to press the screen until it distorts the image and leaves a grey 'flare' and a greasy fingerprint on the display. 
  • With a CRT screen, a winding motion with your hand to the side of the monitor increases your PC's bus speed by 10%, as does knocking on the glass and calling out "Hello?''.
  • This is my old table tennis bat and ball.  A ping-pong bat is ideal for performing percussive maintenance tasks on your computer.
  • Never use the load button to close your CD drive.  Pushing the draw in by hand overrides the rev limiter & increases read performance by 25%.  Also, the more 'drive not ready' messages you get, the better, so keep on hitting 'retry'.
  • If you continue to have problems, contact either your Network Administrator, your company's Help Desk, your PC's manufacturer, or Microsoft Technical Support.  They will ask for details of your configuration, the exact sequence of events leading to the problem, and the status of your software licenses.  They will then consult their extensive knowledgebase systems and fault-finding dialogues before telling you to re-boot and try again.

  • Click the Back button firmly with a slight anti-clockwise flourish to try another link.
  • Or you could replace your unreliable network equipment with brand new Cisco products from a specialist Cisco supplier.

Cannot find server or DNS Error from not pressing hard enough - Internet Explorer

 

 

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